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/qa/ - Question & Answer

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>Last thread: http://old.newrem.com/adventures/heatherQuest/0001-heatherQuest.html

Today is the first day back from SATet, which makes it the first day of KAvru, or [Autumn] as it's called here in Moncrefe. Things were looking up. You were having a great time chatting with your class about how they spent their five days indoors. Only one student was absent, namely Heather Arika, one of your three [Gifted] students, (four if you count Dora). You don't like to admit it aloud but Heather's absence makes it much easier to conduct the class. Alas, it was not to be as Heather has arrived, and she made quite the entrance at that, riding Mika Mala like a horse.

You take a quick breather before the bell tolls. We'd better hurry up and decide which parts of the curriculum we're going to cover today. You were leaning toward government welfare policy because Tammy asked a wonderful question about what happens if you can't secure lodging during SATet, but now that Heather's here, it would probably be best to focus on that topic another day.

Mika Mala reopens her yukari and says, "Well, it's time for me to leave this PORTAL coil~"

The class laughs and Mika leaves.

Alright, Alyssa Worby. What do you do?

view User Posts (UNRATED)

>>461264 (OP)
Teach sexual education, using Mika as a visual aid.
>>461264 (OP)
Air guitar.
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Just as you're about to ask Mika if she'd wait a moment, Mika says, "Sorry, Goldilocks, I'll have to take a rain check on that one. I have to do my chores because soooomebody didn't do them for me last time. Toodles~" Heather gasps, taking offense to this remark.

Mika's yukari closes and she disappears from sight.
Sexy air guitar.
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Make a note to determine if Mika's body currently contains a skeleton.
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You need to get this class's attention after the ruckus Mika and Heather caused. You walk to the front of the room and play a little air guitar to see if any of the kids stop talking to and pay attention.
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>>461312 (You)
As with most actions you take, there's some students that like it and others that don't, but all in all the net result seems like it was positive. The class's atmosphere is about average now. Good!
>>461314 (You)
Call a student to the front of the class so I can see that character in more detail. We can work out the reason why as we go along.
Which student should you call to the front?
>>461323 (You)
Let's go with Lisa.
>>461323 (You)
Why does Cyndi have such a small head? Call Cyndi up. Something's up with her. Magical malfunction perhaps or perhaps

Interesting. Maybe Cyndi is up to something. You call on Cynd-- uh...
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You go with Lisa. Lisa seems like she's in a down mood, but the wonderful thing about Lisa is that her mood doesn't affect her behavior at all, except for her facial expression. She works exactly as hard and is exactly as nice to people regardless of her mood.

What should you have her do?
>>461375 (You)
Well, I picked her because she looked sad and thought it would be nice to cheer her up, but if it works like that I guess it doesn't matter.

I have a couple silly ideas running through my mind but maybe it's time to do some actual teaching and we can use her for it. What options do we have subject-wise?
The fact that her name isn't "Clawdia" is profoundly triggering.
>>461375 (You)
Make out with her a little to cheer her up.
Even better, have Heather make out with her.
This desu senpai.
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Yes, we'd better get started. Class began a couple centizun ago. You pop open Lesson Planar. You're a Civics, Philosophy, History, and Humanities teacher, as well as a general studies tutor, and a [Gift Wrapper] in that you like to take on a disproportionately large number of [Gifted] students to gain more STEM score, which you don't like to brag, but you're 4th in Moncrefe, 11th in the world. You teach years 20-25.

Available topics all students have met prerequisites for are:

- Public Housing
- Police Force Tiers
- Constitutional Abdication
- Party Risk Hierarchy
- Varven Politics
- Anarchy States
- Spell Library Access Review
- Agriculture
- Healthcare

- Category Theory
- Methodological Naturalism
- Embodied Mind Theory
- Aristotelian Realism
- Chaotic Progress Theory
- Universal Property
- Artificial Scarcity

- Zchmreglev Fefnyr's Gambit
- Gloria Evangate's Three Laws
- Fallenhal's Northern Colonies

- Unified Imagination Theory
- Demonic Art
- Monster Art
- Cornerian History
- Terence Bydo's Monster Taxonomy
- Sengoku Judai

What should we learn about today?
>>461597 (You)
Civics! We must inform the students so they are not easily swayed by liars and bad politicians.
>>461597 (You)
Monster Art. That way we can summon Mika to use as a nude model for the students' upcoming figure studies.
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Liars and bad politicians don't really have anything to do with civics. Civics is the study of your rights and duties as a citizen. Liars and bad politicians are more under the umbrella of political science, which falls under philosophy. Regardless, none of those topics are on the curriculum right now. Chaotic Progress theory is probably one of the prereqs for political science, so we definitely won't be able to get to that today.

It is common knowledge that Mika is a demon, not a monster. Mika's actually the same species of demon as Dora, just a different breed. However, Mika no longer resembles a dog demon as she mastered shape shifting at a very young age and no longer has any physical similarities of a dog. Nevertheless, her R-Life reveals what she really is, or rather what she used to be and the dog demon race happily claims her as their own and looks up to her as a celebrity.

But none of that really matters. Monster artwork is a great subject to teach about coming back from SATet. The concept is easy to grasp and eye opening at the same time.

You show your students several paintings made by monsters, drawing attention to details. You explain that while monsters typically never create any art of any kind, tamed monsters when asked to paint typically fall into categories. Most monsters draw self portraits, some simply can't learn to draw anything, but other more social monsters like Orcs paint their human masters instead.

You have Lisa read a poem by a famous pet Tabra named Blackhawk who learned to write.

Can't eat
Must eat
Won't eat
Not food but smell good
Hungry but starving
Starving but alive
Stomach growling
Stomach lying
Warning of death
Death doesn't come
Eating is lies
Don't need to live
Treats better than human
Crave human
Won't eat
Won't die
Hungry but starving

You ask your students to write a short essay on any insights they must have about how Blackhawk must have felt about their master.
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>>462168 (You)
You check "Monster Art" off of your list of Humanities and no new assignments pop up in its place! Once the students finish their essays, you'll get up to 10 STEM points based on how you grade them! Score!

The class is basically autonomous at this point since they have an assignment, and if they finish with that they have a longform assignment to work on from last season.

You have some free time until class ends at 40:00 when you'll need to start your parent teacher conferences. What should we do until then?
>>462171 (You)

Sit back at the desk and read a raunchy book until class ends
Why? Why must this cancer spread?
>>462171 (You)
also, let the book be one about the subdivision of the day, the calendar and the counting of the years.
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Oh dear, you don't have any books on hand. Not to worry, however! You're a member of BlueStock so you can order a book to be mailed to you, and read an electronic version while you wait!

Let's see... a raunchy book about the subdivision of the day, the calendar, and the counting of the years... You enter in your search terms, and you find a match.

"One Room Vacancy" by Sasha Shores
Tagline: She needed a place to stay. He needed a place to go.

You check the reviews.

"About as erotic as reading assembly instructions for a chair" 1/5
by: Linda Barb
I bought this book hoping for some light erotic fun. Considering the synopsis on the back cover, you could forgive me for expecting a story of sexual tension, seduction, and release! Instead it spends so much time making ABSOLUTELY SURE you know EXACTLY what time of day every scene takes place in that you'd swear there was going to be some sort of fulfillment time travel twist at the end! I don't know if that counts as spoilers or not. Just terrible writing. Did we REALLY need to know that he lasted EXACTLY three hundred eleven centizun? Learn how to use a metaphor! Avoid Sasha Shores. I don't know what compelled her to write romance when she clearly wants to be writing technical manuals. Should have called it 50 Shades on a Sundial. 1/5
>>463036 (You)
ur 1 cheeky cunt, m8
Parent teacher conferences sound like they could affect our STEM score. Probe a student for blackmail material that could be used against their parents to ensure a good rating.
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Hahaha oh wow this book is awful.

After that night he longed for her. He longed for her every centizun (of which there are 100 per zun) of every waking zun (of which on average he was awake for 72 out of the 100 zuns in a day) of every day (of which there are 25 per season) of every season (for which there exist 4 in each year) of every year. He longed for her even at work, which made work difficult. Ronan was reprimanded three times in the span of one week (which contains five days, and there are five of in each season) for workplace negligence, statistically 6807503% more often than the year before he met her, where he enjoyed an exceptionally good track record. If this trend continued, he could be out of a job and without a positive recommendation, he might find himself homeless for an extended period of time. He needed this job to continue paying his debts and rent payments, or he might be forced to file for X843-N-B1543EZ Bankruptcy. But Ronan was not the sort of person who would have the wherewithal to know that was the form of bankruptcy he'd need to file for. He would file for a chapter 4 like they teach you about in primary school and be significantly less well off. Little did he know that Francine would know exactly the forms to file if only Ronan could get over his pride to ask.

Yeah, we'd better stop reading this right now. We have things to do.

The parent teacher conferences are listed in your quest log in order of most important to least important, but Tammy's is scheduled first. Tammy's main problem is that she just doesn't care. She floats a 44% GPA in your class, which is much lower than the class average. She basically single handedly brought your class average down below 90% compared to last year. Luckily she was even worse last year so you're still gaining STEM score off of her, but not nearly as much as you could be. What should we plan to say to her parents? She's bad at pretty much everything.
>>461264 (OP)

This might be the most autistic thread I've ever witnessed

How do you all cope?

What's stopping you from biting the barrel of a shotgun?
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>What's stopping you from biting the barrel of a shotgun?
A keen awareness of the absurdity of all things.
>>463702 (You)
Focus on how much she's improved over last year. Failing that, distract from her poor performance by directing attention to her conflict with Freemont.
>>463036 (You)
brilliant stuff, this
>>463702 (You)

What >>463743
said, but bribe her to actually try with something. Anything. Don't even have to be corporeal
Alright. We know what to say to Tammy's parents. You'll describe how much she's grown and improved, and then emphasize that she still has much to improve on.

Next is Freemont. Freemont is doing wonderfully! Not only is he 15 points higher than last year, AND closer to the class average, AND coming from a lower class average at that, BUT Freemont is also going to become a monster slayer thanks to your encouragement! Every time a monster slayer with grades above 50% graduates from your class, you receive 1000 bonus STEM! But there is one problem. Freemont's parents don't want him to be a monster slayer; they want him to go into law. Freemont's father is a district prosecutor and his mother is a paralegal who works in the same law office. They suspect that you filled his head with dangerous ideas and are very upset, so they called for a PTC with you. You could potentially get in serious trouble if you don't handle this correctly.

After that is Heather. Heather is in some sense the opposite problem that Freemont is. Heather is a Gifted but she has no intention of becoming a monster slayer and resists every effort you've made to convince her to become a fencer, so you've called a PTC. Her mother is Shiné Orunitia, the most powerful White Mage on the planet, so you can probably bond over that. You don't know who Heather's father is but Heather seems to look up to him a lot from how she describes her father in her journal assignments. If you can convince her father to push Heather toward becoming a Monster Slayer then you're probably golden.

Think you should just wing it or should you plan and prepare for either of these encounters?
>>464529 (You)
How do mothers work in this setting? Can I have fantasies about Shiné giving birth?
>>464529 (You)
Why not suggest that Freemont and Heather switch parents.
Yes. This can only go well.
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Worth a shot.

Oh! It's past 40. You tell all of the students that they're free to go. They all each get up and head for the door. Dora breaks into a run and you shout at her to knock it off but she doesn't listen. Typical Dora.

You call out to Heather, "Heather, would you come here for a moment?" You need to assess carefully whether or not she'd go for the trading spaces idea. Heather approaches apprehensively.

How should we word this? Should we ask her how she'd feel about being a lawyer? Maybe poke at her distaste for her mother?
>>465265 (You)

Ask her about living it "better call saul" style
>>465265 (You)
Ask her about these dubs. *flips finger toward post number in an exaggerated gesture*
Is Tammy's father the Cockmongler?
>>465265 (You)
Begin the conversation in a highly mature way: With a "yo momma" joke.
"Heather, I hear your momma's so s--"

"She's NOT MY MOM!!" Heather interrupts.

"...Heather let me finish. I hear she's so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead to try to makeup her mind."

Heather stares at you, dumbfounded. After a couple moments, she asks, "What do you want, Worby?" she asks, cautiously.

So far so good.
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"I want you to check these dubs," >>465489 (You) you say.

"Off by one," says Heather.

BLAST. Still, Heather seems less edgy than usual.
>>465490 (You)
Tell her that we read the last thread and know that she intends to lose her virginity today. That ought to get her attention, even if it has nothing to do with where the conversation is going.
>>465490 (You)
She should learn anatomy and draw herself better
>>465490 (You)
Ask Heather to stop twisting her eyelids in a vertical position, as it's creepy as hell and may distract the other pupils from the lesson.
You tell Heather that you saw she put "Lose Your Virginity" on her public quest log.

Heather says, "So are you trying to blackmail me or is this some kind of cringey attempt at being a 'cool' teacher?"
>>466421 (You)
Put the flower that's on your deck in your mouth and pretend it's a cigarette.
This will make you the cool teacher.
>>466421 (You)
Point out that if we've seen it, Shiney will have seen it, and the best way for her to avoid the fallout is to trade parents with Freemont.

Also put the flower in our mouth like >>466526 said. And put our hat on backwards.
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You turn your hat around and pretend your flower is a cigarette. Cool Teacher Mode initiated!

You say, "'Blackmail' only applies if it's in writing Heather, but that's beside the point. If I read your public quest log and saw your plot then Shiné already saw it. The way I see it, the only way you're going to avoid the fallout fro--Hey! Uh! BUAH!!"

Heather turns your hat back the correct way.
>>467203 (You)
Just lone her your hat, it's a pussy magnet, but for dicks.
>>467297 (Dead)

This is the only option. It must be done! You fondly remember how that very hat helped you lose yours
Regain free will, complete with awareness of having been controlled by an internet hive mind, but only for a few horrifying moments. Then let Heather borrow your hat for its dick-magnet properties on the condition that she trade parents with Freemont.
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It's about time you pass this old torch on to the next generation. You were around... well you were double Heather's age when you lost your... well you sorta... Nevermind! It doesn't matter. Heather should get a hat. She looks goofy without a hat. You give Heather your hat.

Now, with that out of the way, you send Heather on her way. Tammy's parents should be arriving any moment now!
>>468055 (You)
In preparation for the meeting, acquire a new hat. I recommend a cowboy hat, so you can punctuate all your sentences with "yee haw."
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Excellent idea! You look goofy without a hat. Which of your hats should you wear?
>>468953 (You)

A kabuto!
>>468953 (You)
I'm liking the look of that pink one.
>>468953 (You)
I vote cowboy hat.
>>468953 (You)
All of these hats are improper for a nice modest lady. You'd rather wear your own panties as a hat.
Paint the cowboy hat pink and out your panties on it.
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Sounds good to you! You Inventory® your hat into your hands, and then your paint supplies! Let's make a pink cowboy hat. The hat that we already have that is a cowboy hat and pink simply won't do.

You start to paint your hat when suddenly the door swings open. It's Tammy's Mom and Dad. Tammy's Mom approaches your desk and addresses you.

"You mind EXPLAINING to me why my daughter is failing EVERY SUBJECT, """MISS""" Worby?!" she queries.

Tammy's father stands aside and lets his wife handle it.
>>470126 (You)
Lighten the mood with a good joke about her (presumably) unusual-looking eyes.
>>470126 (You)
Before addressing to them, put on your cowboy hat and rest your legs on the desk like an old southern gentlem...gentlewoman.
really digging this thread folks
Can you rate my thread too? I won't tell you which it is though, finding it is part of the fun.
You lean back in your chair and rest your legs and heels on the desk.

With a hint of a smirk on your lips and an unfortunate nervous giggle, you say, "Now now, Mrs. Salona, no need to lash out."

She gets it, and she isn't happy about it. Her husband finds it funny. Arguing with an audience is always better.
holy b u m p
>>470614 (You)
Damn, she has a nice ass. I'd like to do something about it, but that could be very dangerous.
>>470614 (You)
Address the husband. Tell him that his wife has a nice ass, and add that -- if Tammy proves to have inherited that feature as an adult -- she might still be able to find work despite her shoddy performance in all things.
And this time, don't forget to add "yee haw."
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You say, "Mr. Alada, Tammy's useless at school work, but. She. Is. Excellent! At making friends. She's friends with every single kid in the class except for Freemont, because Freemont's like an Orc. Also, if she grows up to have a caboose as great as your wife's, then Tammy will do just fine." >>471148 "Yeehaw," you conclude.

Mr. Alada didn't take too kindly to the way you were lookin' at what's his. "Dear, please step outside. I have some words I need to say that I don't want you to hear."

Mrs. Salona walks out to the hallway.

Uh oh. You think he's really about to let you have it.
>>471526 (You)
It's too late to back down. Start powering up. Or at least start yelling like you're about to demonstrate Super Saiyan 3. Maybe he will respect your strength, like bears do.
>>471526 (You)
Tickle fight?
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Sensing an impending tickle fight, you power up and cast a standard first level [Soft Touch] blessing on yourself. Mr. Alada is just a civilian, so if you don't nullify your damage output, he's going to get seriously hurt.

He holds up his hands and pleads, "Woah woah! Hey hey hey! We're not fighting! The Missus just needs to feel like I got riled up like she did, you know?"

You power down. Looks like there isn't going to be a fight today.

He gives a sigh of relief when you power down. He must have thought your spell was something offensive rather than defensive. "Phew... See, my wife's not like you and me. We get our sense of self worth from within, and we know who we are," He explains, calm and collected. "The rest of the world could hate us and it wouldn't matter because we know what we are and don't have any doubts about it. If somebody insults you or me, it means nothing to us except that we know that they don't like us. Same, in reverse, if they compliment us. But my wife? She isn't that kind of person. Her self worth comes from her reputation, and the aproval of others. So when you make jokes about her looks, or about Tammy, that really hurts her, because on some level when you insult her she believes it. And I can't have that. I love her too much, understand?"
>>472246 (You)
Thank goodness. Let's get his opinion on the best type of cowboy hat.
>>472246 (You)
Hopefully if those two have kids they take more after their dad in the personality department.
lol do you mean tammy

rumors says tammy's in love
You nod. His words are reasonable. You'll be nicer to Mrs. Salona if you see her again.

"What do you think is the best kind of Cowboy Hat?" you ask him.

"I'm not an expert on Cowboy hats," he disclaims, "But if I had to make a guess, I'd say the one you're wearing." What a flirt. "But let's get on track," he offers. "I know there's probably nothing to discuss about Tammy. She's actually doing better in your class than she has with her previous teachers, and her previous teachers devoted extra time to her to try to get her to improve. Have you done the same?"

You nod and shrug. "I don't know if I've given Tammy as much time as previous teachers have, but I've definitely given her more attention than any other civilian student this year."

He looks down. "I think Tammy might be a lost cause, academically. She's probably better off pursuing an entertainment or social work platform, right?" he beckons your agreement. "Are there any jobs for somebody who instantly makes friends with everybody in the room but can't memorize a date to save her life?"

After a moment's brainstorming you throw out, "...Life Coach?"

The two of you sit in silence for a little while. He breaks the silence with, "Maybe retail?"

"Most people end up in service-retail anyway even with a good education," you reason.

He smiles and sighs. "Alright, I think that's about it. I'm going to go tell the Missus that I gave you what for." He exits and the two of them leave.
>>473009 (You)
Check your quest log.
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Having completed Tammy's parent teacher conference, you give it a check.

You fidget with your quest log for a little while. You have 17 centizun until Freemont's parents arrive. What should we do for two and a half minutes?
>>473727 (You)
Good a time as any to try to make that virgin offering to the elder gods.
>>473727 (You)
Do a last-minute check for anything about Heather that might make Freemont's parents more receptive to taking her in place of their own kid.
>>473727 (You)
Magick up a rainbow that floats behind you, just because that would look cool.
Gonna need at LEAST a Zun and a half for an activity like that. Might even need to wait until next year since we gave Heather our +15 CHA hat, virgins are going to be in short supply.

You gotta get that hat back. What were you thinking? It was really expensive! You add "Get your hat back" to your questlog. It will probably need to wait until tomorrow.

We never got a chance to talk to Heather about changing parents because we got sidetracked by dubs, Heather's love life, and hats until Tammy's parents showed up. Time to do a little snooping on Heather's allChat™ to see if she's posted anything that would indicate that she'd make a good daughter for the Merrys.

… Okay, Heather's allChat™ is completely empty. OH! …right… You vaguely remember something about Heather owning a physical diary "to keep secrets from her computer." Irritating…

Now THIS we can do. You put a Rainbow up behind your head with Lesson Planar!

Oh. They're here.
>>475049 (You)
Get right to business and tell the the blunt truth.
Possibly while smoking a blunt, like a good role model.
Trying to look confident and casual, you twirl your flower pen around. You say, "Let's get down to business, Mr. and Mrs. Merry. Your son is going down a path that you don't approve of, because you want him to carry on the family legacy of lawyers. I have a proposition for you."

Mrs. Merry hands Mr. Merry a folding chair. He sets it up and takes a seat. "And what proposition would that be?" he asks.

You put your flower in your mouth to show how much of a cool teacher you are.
>>476936 (You)
Clown college.
>>476936 (You)
You can't afford to lose this battle. Lay out your idea while posing dramatically.
He scoots his chair a little closer and his wife stands just out of frame.

"How does Clown College sound?" you ask.

"Clown college?" he requests clarification.

"That was a dialectic technique in which I first suggest something ridiculous so the next thing I say won't sound so bizarre," you explain. "I have an idea that might make both you and Freemont very happy."

"I'm listening," he acknowledges. "Please continue."

"How would you feel about getting a new daughter?" you offer.

He hunches over the desk and stares at you.
>>478321 (You)
Now while his is still confused, get him to impregnate you and-

No, this is reality, not your fan fictions.
>>478321 (You)

He looks like the suggestion confuses and terrifies him slightly. Adjust how you continue with this knowledge?
>>478321 (You)
Sit in the same position as him to make him feel more comfortable.
You hunch forward and lock your fingers together in front of your mouth just like him, locking eyes. "Let's face it," you begin. "Your son doesn't want to follow in your footsteps, but I have another student that doesn't want to follow in her parents' footsteps either. Her parents are epic level monster slayers and she's gifted just like Freemont is. Unlike Freemont, she doesn't want to become a Knight. She has a hobbyist interest in the justice system that you could cultivate and nurture."

Mr. Merry doesn't say anything. He just stares.

You pull up Freemont and Heather's files to compare them. "As you can see, Freemont has been improving in my class since last year, but not even close to as well as Heather has improved. She shows tremendous promise. Not only that, but she absolutely despises her parents."

"Heather... Arika..." He recalls. "Isn't this the girl that got into a fight with Freemont two seasons ago?"

"The one Freemont tore the front teeth out of, yes," you remind.

"Hrmm..." he grumbles. "So she likes law?"

"It's a hobby interest to Heather," you explain. "She's interested in going into architecture. The celestian temple fascinates her. She's always researching it. However, she's a huge Alex fan--"

He grunts in annoyance at the mention of Alex.

"Yes yes, I know," you reassure. "But I got into teaching because of Mrs. Jewels stories. Interest for the wrong reasons is still interest."

Mr. Merry looks down at the desk and says nothing.

Part of you can't believe he's even entertaining this thought.
>>479123 (You)
Roll for charisma to seal the deal.
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Nice roll! You successfully persuade him.

He nods solemnly. "Alright. We'll discuss this with Freemont. Thank you for your time."
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Mr. and Mrs. Merry leave, arguing about whether or not to trade children. Mrs. Merry does not like the sound of it, but Mr. Merry says that the choice will be up to Freemont, and he urges her to be reasonable.

Just as they exit, Shædo M. Orunitia enters! You were expecting to meet with Shiné, Heather's mother. It looks like she sent her sister instead. This is the first time you've ever seen her in person and her presence startles and excites you. Shædo is quite the celebrity. Shiné is too, but Shædo takes advantage of her status more.

"Sorry I'm late!" she shouts, stepping over the unconscious bodies of the Merrys. Shædo isn't actually late. She isn't due in until 45:50.
>>481451 (You)
What time is it now, 45:20? Question her about this time ignorance (time travel?) and admonish her for knocking unconscious the Merrys.
Her hat is superior to ours. Somehow, we must make it our own.
>>481451 (You)
Ask how Heather's inevitable gangbang went.
That hat probably landed her at least 7 guys at the same time.
I agree with this. Start by adopting catlike mannerisms to show how deserving you are of the hat.
You shake the stars out of your eyes. Now isn't the time.

"You aren't late. You're early! Much too early. And you just knocked out the Merrys!" you scold, rising to your feet.

Shædo replies, "That's more your problem than mine at this point, Wage. Shouldn't you be healing them?"

She effortlessly deflected your scolding with a glib appeal to urgency. This may be the most dangerous opponent you've ever faced.
>>482250 (You)
It's time to resort to the most honorable of tactics: Bribery.
>>482250 (You)
Use the water fountain in the hallway to squirt water at her. Cats hate water, right?
>>482250 (You)
Tell her if she doesn't end her uppity talk you'll fooking hook her in the gabber, you swer to chris, m8
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We would, but she's already in our classroom.
Shædo and Shiné are ex-Monster Slayers. They're billionaires! If we're gonna bribe her we'll have to think of something to bribe her with because on our teacher's salary money won't do.
This actually might work. Shædo wouldn't legally be allowed to resort to violence against you since she's epic level and you're a medic, but we should wait and see if she keeps being sassy first. Wouldn't want to look like we're getting tushy troubled.
Adding hat acquisition to our quest log, but with an "optional" mark as this seems pretty difficult to accomplish.
Just as you're about to ask about Heather's luck with the boys, Shædo drops your hat on your desk. "Oh, and before we begin, what exactly was 15 charm doing on Heather when she came home?" she asks.

"Did anything happen?" you ask.

"Some guy followed her on four different train routes back and forth," Shædo recounts, taking a seat on top of one of the student's desks. "Mika had to go get her. Heather says you gave it to her."
>>483233 (You)
1. check dubs
2. "Heather wanted to lose her virginity."
>>483233 (You)
It's a hard decision to make, but you need to destroy the hat. That way there won't be any evidence.
>>483233 (You)
Add "Ask Heather for full story" to tomorrow's quest log.
Refer to Heather by this name for the rest of the conversation and pretend it is her real name.
>>483233 (You)
Only one guy?
The enchantment must be weakening.
Was probably never that strong to begin with for MISS Worby.
>>485337 (You)
Add "sacrifice prostitutes to re-empower hat" to quest log
In fact, let me just post here for you so that there's no question about it.
>>485737 (Dead)
Whoa, you quoted me cross thread and I see the link in this thread. I wonder if I can do that too. Anyway, glad to help.
It won't do any good. Your hat's ID A-Life can't be destroyed without the help of Van Merr's disenchantment department, and by the time you do that, all of the information concerning the case would already be made redundant. You're better off making no obvious attempts to destroy any evidence and preventing the matter from going to trial in the first place.
Added--wait. No! Other people can see your quest log!
1. Done.
2. You get up from you desk and walk to the front of the room. "James wanted to lose her virginity," you state simply.
"Oh, was Heather supposed to deliver the hat to James?" asks Shædo. "Then she just wore it home when she couldn't find the kid," she mumbles. "That sounds like Heather."

Shædo seems far less angry now.
>>486215 (You)
That worked out surprisingly well. Down to business. First, you must dance awkwardly around the subject in order to test the waters.
>>486215 (You)
Ok, let's talk about Heather's love life.
She needs to be in a relationship, NOW.
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You refresh your PDA real quick because the clock app froze again. You might have too many apps installed.

"But speaking of CHA... How is she doing in her love life?" you ask.

"Oh, you know, she likes boys but she hates every boy she's ever met. She has a ton of Alex posters," Shædo ponders, drawing up a screen on her PDA for you a picture of her. "She writes about some boy named Leo in her physical diary, but I think she made him up, because she always leaves her diary around with the book open to a page that mentions him, so I think she's doing it for attention."

Just then, something spooks Shædo. "Wait..." she ponders. "Does 'James' like Heather?"
>>486929 (You)
Bring up everything you have on James.
Maybe there's a clue.
Born on April 18, 1947, in Vernal, Utah, James Woods acted on and off Broadway before turning to film, working in both lead and supporting roles. A versatile actor who often takes on challenging work, he has earned Academy Award nominations for Salvador and Ghosts of Mississippi, and won Emmys for his roles in the films Promise and My Name Is Bill W.

Actor James Woods was born on April 18, 1947, in Vernal, Utah. Intelligent, intense and charismatic, Woods studied political science at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology before dropping out to pursue an acting career. He got his start in the theater with dramatic roles on the New York stage.

Woods had his film major film role in The Visitors, which was directed by Elia Kazan. He went on to make a string of guest appearances on television series, such as Barnaby Jones, Family, The Rockford Files and The Streets of San Francisco. He also had roles in several television movies and miniseries, including Holocaust opposite Meryl Streep.

In The Onion Field, Woods portrayed a heartless cop killer, perhaps his darkest character to date. Critics and audiences alike were riveted by his performance. He received his first Oscar nomination for Salvador for his portrayal of a journalist who drives to El Salvador to document the country's military dictatorship.

While he lost the Best Actor Oscar Award to Paul Newman, Woods continued to tackle a mix of dramatic roles in films and on television. He starred in The Boost, a 1988 feature film as a man whose life spirals out of control because of cocaine use. He won his first Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or a Special for Promises in 1987. He has also played a number of famous people in television movies, including the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous in My Name Is Bill W. and the infamous lawyer Roy Cohn in Citizen Cohn. Woods won the Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Special Emmy Award for both of these performances.
probably means this James, anon.

James R. Williams (born 1936 in Columbus, Mississippi) is a U.S. lawyer, politician and jurist. Williams received his undergraduate and juris doctorate degree from University of Akron. Williams supported gun control as an Akron, Ohio councilman. In 1974, he was the Democratic Party candidate for Lieutenant Governor of Ohio.

Williams was the 25th General President of Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity. As president, he was named one of the 100 most influential Black Americans by Ebony magazine. Williams is also the principal founder of Akron-based the Alpha Phi Alpha Education Foundation and Alpha Phi Alpha Homes. In 1978, President Jimmy Carter appointed him as the U.S. Attorney for the Northern District of Ohio.
I like James Woods better.
Born in the Kanto region, James was born into a rich family and enjoyed a life of luxury. However, this life style came to an end early on in his life. Displeased with his arranged marriage to the aristocratic lady Jessabelle, James ran away from home with only his bike and prized bottle cap collection leading his parents to frequently faking their death in hopes of luring him back home. Along with his chain wielding partner in crime, James became a legendary figure within his adopted biker gang despite being under the age of 10 and still having to use training wheels. After parting way with the bike gang, James was recruited by a multinational criminal organization and has had numerous encounters with high ranking members of the criminal underworld while. Regardless of the people James has been associated with, his crimes have mostly been minor theft and scams.
Oh no. There isn't a single person named James at this school! How is that even possible?! 'James' has to be in at least the top 200 names in Moncrefe.

Whatever! You hunt on Encyclonet for other people named James.
You find three pretty good results. Unable to decide which to go with, you roll a #1d3 and you land on 3. This ends up being the best roll as this James at least appears to be a child around Heather's age. ...Even if he is a fictional character from Earth's Japan. We'll leave that part out.

Shædo is starting to get suspicious about why it's taking so long to answer her question.
>>488181 (You)
To clear any suspicion, start doing everything in slow motion.
Wait, try casting a slow spell on Shædo, it's your best hope.
And if it doesn't work, cast it on yourself and pretend that was your intention all along.
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Casting a slow down spell on Shædo sounds like a great idea to give us time to think, if nothing else. You start to--Shædo grabs you by the arms and gets her face really close to yours.

"Hey, Wage. I couldn't help but notice you're casting the wrong kind of magic right now," she growls, slowly, with a big smile on her face. She points a sharp finger at the Merrys, laying by the door. "You're supposed to be healing the bodies near the door."
>>489114 (You)
Make up a complicated excuse about the slow spell being necessary for proper healing because fast wounds etc. and then proceed as normal.
>>489114 (You)
Forget everything else. With her face that close to ours, we have a chance to go in for the kiss. Let's not waste this opportunity to mack on a celebrity.
Addendum: Throw in a charisma check. It probably won't work, but we can at least hope to nail it hard enough for her to respond favorably.
And take her hat aswell.
Add a cheesy line dealing with the slow spell, like "I just want this moment to last longer."
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Suddenly, completely out of nowhere, Shædo's savage instincts overtake her and she savagely attacks you, savagely throwing you to the ground.

When you come to, Shædo is on her PDA, arguing with Shiné. Shiné scolds, "I know you SAY it wasn't your fault, but this sort of thing doesn't happen to other people!"

Shædo growls, "Just get down here. Now."

"Okay, okay," Shiné sighs. "Be right there."
>>489821 (You)
Sounds like the real fireworks are about to begin. Better be prepared. Retrieve your other hat and wear it on top of your cowboy hat.
>>489821 (You)
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You try to crawl to your desk, but it's not easy. You hear noises. Everything sounds increasingly like it's all underwater. Somebody's arguing or something. Whatever they're saying, they sound upset.

Suddenly, you feel fine. "Why is Lisa in a cowboy hat?" Shiné interrogates Shædo.

"Hey! She was in that hat when I found her!" Shædo defends.

"Well she's SUPPOSED to be in her blue ribbon hat!" Shiné barks, putting your hat back on your head. You regain the 15 CHA that you lost when you swapped hats.

You look up and see that the Merrys are back on their feet again. That's good.

Shiné looks on edge that the two of them might be about to threaten a lawsuit. Shædo stares off into space. The Merrys look down at you.
>>490919 (You)
Time to bring out the big guns. Or should I say, big puns. Some clever wordplay ought to sort this situation out.
I'm going to vote again for a moment of lucidity.

Shatter the fourth wall. Beg Shiné from the floor to save us from the internet.
>>490919 (You)

> Lisa
> TFW the heroic celebrity hero doesn't remember your name
>>490919 (You)
Ok, now that you have your hat back, you can act like a proper adult and get this dealt with quickly.
Not to worry. Lisa is short for Alyssa, which is your first name.

Now that you have your old hat with the bonus 15 CHA, you're 'caperble' of some droll repartee, intermixing puns and japes in 'jest' the right places!

"Wait!" you call to get the attention of your four guests. "This is all a farce! An absurdity, parody, but one where jokes are sparse."

Shædo and Shiné exchange glances. Shiné looks angry at Shædo who looks defensive.

You continue. "Our world is real but this scenario's not. I can't control my actions or my thoughts!"

Shiné hits her sister upside the head. "You CURSED her!? Now I have to take her to Priestess Lianne!"

Shædo shields her head and retreats a few paces. "I did NO such thing! I'm not even specced for curses right now!"

"Why are you rhyming?" asks Mrs. Merry.

It suddenly occurs to you that rhyming isn't the same thing as puns. You quickly reply, "Because... Because from how... How Shædo knocked us all out, I thought I'd try some SLAM poetry!"

Shiné strikes Shædo upside the head again.
>>492318 (You)
It's working!
Shædo is getting blamed for everything.
Keep it up and we might be able to take the hat as compensation.
It's a risky move, but when's the next time a chance to get that hat is ever going to come up?
Answer: NEVER.
This is a once in a life time movie moment baby!
Bring up trading heather while they think you might not be fully healed from successive blows to the head. cross eyes while doing so.
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There's no clear plan on how to get the hat but you'll keep your eyes open for an opportunity.

At any rate, your pun game is still going strong! You're gonna keep it going.
You roll onto your back, then back onto your belly a couple times until your straightman Mrs. Merry asks, "What are you doing?"

"I'm flip flopping!" you begin. "Speaking of flip flopping... weren't we going to discuss the children?"

"Oh! That's right!" Mr. Merry remembers. "We have an idea that might interest the two of you."

Suddenly, Shædo puts two and two together, and catches on to your dangerous pun game. "Are you about to suggest we substitute our children for each other like some kind of substitute teacher?"

Gosh dangit... That was good.
>>493543 (You)
Gasp really loudly to add drama to the situation.
>>493543 (You)
Wait and see how things pan out. Everybody but Shaedo is on our side right now. She probably can't untangle our web of lies.
You gasp really loudly!
>>494897 (You)
And then watch to see them argue amongst themselves for a little bit.

"Well, actually, I was thinking long and hard about it. You see, our son is Gifted, just like Heather, but we don't want him to be gifted. We want him to take over the family business. See, my father's father's father, and all after them, have all been attorneys," Mr. Merry explains.

Shiné begins to look visibly very uncomfortable. She starts breathing faster and faster.

Shædo picks up on this, so she speaks for . "Well whatever you want for him doesn't really matter. Freemont is his own person! Go find a kid to adopt!"

"That is actually exactly my thought. I understand that Heather doesn't want to be gifted, but that you, at least on some level, wish that she did."

Shiné starts to pant, and turns toward Shædo like she's going to hide behind her.
>>495609 (You)
What's that bird thing in the UI? Birds are very important, y'know. I'm very interested. Also it seems like they're starting to figure it out. Say something witty/clever but also subtle that somehow gets them to believe it was their own idea and not yours.
>>495609 (You)
Everyone suddenly bend genders.
>>495609 (You)
Yell "DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" since this seems like an appropriate point in the conversation to do so.
>>495609 (You)
Press all the buttons on your UI so that we can see everything.
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Now does seem like just as good a time as any to fuss around on our PDA and play with all of our icons.

First is our status menu. It displays our stats (which don't really matter too much anymore), our Quests, and this stupid button for the EXP® about page.

Then is our minimap. You don't use it too much either since you don't go to new places very often.

After that is our mailbox. We've got a few letters we haven't opened yet but we don't want to open those because once you break the seal on an envelope, there's proof that it's been opened and you'd rather that sender think that you just don't check your mail much.

Next is the bird icon. It's AllChat™. The app used to be called Chirper© before Skylines® bought the rights to the name.

Then there's Encyclonet.

After that is an icon you can't figure out how to get rid of. It's just your questlog, but it has its own icon. You don't know how to hide it or you would.

Lesson Planar is the next icon. You use this while teaching to display screens for the kids to look at. The School pays for it.

After that is your Taiga™ app, which lets you purchase equipment and have it sent instantly to your bag. You mostly use it, these days, to purchase things from BlueStock® and Fitza©.

Finally is STEM™which is useful for monitoring your progress with students.

Oh and the last button just closes all currently opened screens so you can see in front of your face.


As you check your apps you listen in on Shædo and Mr. Merry argue. It doesn't sound like this whole Heather Freemont trade is going to work out, but nobody's even mentioning you anymore, so as far as you're concerned that's two successes and a failure with the parent teacher conferences. Freemont's parents have internally cleared you of wrongdoing, but you won't be getting Heather to become a Monster Slayer.

Now that you think about it, that trade wouldn't have made Heather a Monster Slayer either.
>>496486 (You)
I for one am glad we got to learn about that highly detailed UI. What a great amount of effort has been put into its design. It is truly worthy of respect.

While we're here, add a new quest: Find out why your lipstick keeps changing colors.
>>496486 (You)
It's time for a gambit. Challenge Shædo to a best of 3 rock, paper, scissors. If you lose, you will give her your most prized possession. But if you win, the Heather/Freemont trade happens AND you get Shædo's hat.
sneak back into your desk to look more professional
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It's high time we settled this argument!
You carefully crawl back to your desk.
Once there, you call out, "I know how we can settle this! Rock Paper Scissors! I challenge Shædo to a contest. The winner gets the loser's hat. Additionally, if I win, the trade between Freemont and Heather goes through!"

On an unrelated note, Shiné is looking like she's calming down.
>>497469 (You)
Grab a kazoo, let's have a duel
>>497469 (You)
Up the ante and add that the loser is OBLIGATED to tickle Shiné (to cheer her up, obviously). This plan is clearly infallible in numerous ways.
>>497469 (You)
This is it, your personal final boss.
Start casting buffs to make sure you win this battle.
>>497469 (You)
Summon Mika and give her a sexy massage.
You order a kazoo on BlueStock®. It will arrive in your bag as soon as the sale goes through!

"One last note! The loser is obligated to cheer Shiné up by tickling her!" you conclude, readying your hands for a rock paper scissors showdown.
Shædo looks characteristically phlegmatic.
Shiné snaps her fingers, calling Shædo over to her. She whispers quietly in Kapra to her sister, "<The Teacher Worby is unknown. Take Father Merry and Mother Merry and get them out of the building. There is a possible outcome in which we fight Teacher Worby.>"
Mrs. Merry hears, understands, and grabs her husband's arm. She pulls him to the door. "It's time for us to go, dear," she says.
Mr. Merry looks at his wife's face and exchanges silent understanding with her.
Shædo opens the door and says, in Kapra, "<8 meters from the door should be safe.>"
Mr. Merry looks to his wife, not understanding what Shædo said. She doesn't translate for him until they're already out the door. Shædo closes the door and approaches the desk.

Good plan. You buff your AGI, DEX, and AWR. You're gonna need all the tactile prowess and awareness you can get to defeat a world class martial artist at rock paper scissors.

Looks like Shædo is powering up too. She's not underestimating you.
>>498517 (You)
Increase your smugness output to the maximum amount. This is vital to coming out on top in this confrontation.
>>498517 (You)
Wait, NO!
You still are under the effects of the [Soft Touch] blessing you cast when talking to Mr. Alada!
Better leave it up. It's a known fact that cats die in one hit. They make up for it with their stockpile of 1UPs. And I don't think killing would go over too well.
>>498517 (You)
Make love, not war. Summon Mika and make love to her.
>>498517 (You)
CUE DRAMATIC MUSIC! Something classical. Perhaps something from a choir.
The catch is you have to provide the dramatic music yourself. So dramatically go "ba ba ba babababa ba ba ba" or whatever dramatic music sounds like.
Good memory! But nah, we're okay. That wore off when Shædo knocked us out a little bit ago. Persistent buffs like [Soft Touch] don't last through that. We could reapply it, but that probably won't help in any way. Shædo can shrug off any physical attack we could possibly throw at her. Our STR is 36 and hers is 989 with all of her buffs on. Not to mention that it can get as high as 3550(!) with Shiné's help. A fist fight will not be happening today.

She did, however, mention that she's not specced for curses right now, so there may still be an avenue through which we can subdue her, but it would require removing Shiné from the scene first, because Shiné can counterspell any offensive white magic.

Done and done.

Your kazoo arrived just in time! You reach down and retrieve it from your bag, then pop that sucker... or... uh... hummer... in your mouth and buzz out a tune!
>>500100 (You)
Now, rock is the best choice here.
Quest threads are cancer.
At least when they're not in /tg.
All of /qa/ is cancer though.
tßh this is the only reason I check in on /qa/ anymore
this thread is fantastic
Alright! It's time to play. We're going to do rock.

Shædo approaches the desk and takes the modern Remeran RPS stance.

Remerans long since abandoned the traditional western Ro-Sham-Bo style slapping your fist into your palm because it only takes 30 AWR to be able to predict your opponent's move. Instead they use a quickdraw cowboy style stance where you keep your hands ready at your side, then slap your thigh loudly, followed by quickly raising your sign. This requires 140 AWR to predict your opponent's move, which is more AWR than any reasonable person can afford to purchase.

(Obviously with enough DEX and AGI you need more AWR, but that equation is too complicated to explain here.)

Despite not being able to clear the threshold, every little bit helps. With buffs, you have 41 AWR. Shædo has a passive 28 AWR, and has chosen not to buff hers.

You are also wearing your lucky stockings, which give you 10 LUK. Unfortunately, Shædo is wearing 14 LUK on her scarf so you cannot afford to just leave this up to chance.

The final test is one of psychology. You know that Shædo is most likely to throw scissors. CatGirls all wear gloves, and Shædo is no exception. Typically this makes their fingers harder to move, so they're more likely to throw Paper or Rock, but Shædo is different. Shædo famously posts on her Chir--AllChat™ using a keyboard, instead of using the gesture assisted writing methods designed for CatGirls. She enjoys making complicated gestures with her hands to over compensate for her thick gloves because she is sensitive about not being normal.

Shædo is definitely throwing scissors.

"You're not ACTUALLY playing Rock Paper Scissors for whether or not we give away Heather are you?" Shiné asks, disbelieving.

"Look, we'll play first THEN decide if we're honoring the arrangement," Shædo snarls back at her.

You and Shædo stare each other down, ready.
Guess you better get ready to rock.
By the might of that pun, our victory is guaranteed.
I want to make a suggestion, but these are just too good.
>>500830 (You)
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We've been ready to rock since we played air guitar.

You and Shædo perform the ritual. "ROCK!" you call.

"PAPER!" Shædo responds.

"SCISSORS, SHOOT!" you both shout together, slapping your thighs and raising your hands!

She also threw rock...

...Could you have been wrong about her? Or did you fail to account for her thinking about what you'd think she'd do. She clearly underestimated you if she also threw rock.

What's this? Shædo immediately puts her arm at her side and calls "ROCK!"

WHAT DO YOU DO?! YOU'RE FREAKING OUT! OKAY CALM DOWN. According to Stratagem© you're supposed to throw what would beat what your opponent just threw. Should you throw paper?
>>501620 (You)
But, if you both threw the same object, both of you would go through that same thought process, so she'd think you'd throw paper and so throw scissors, but so and you should throw rock again. But wait! she might just throw paper and not go through that whole series of thoughts! How neurotic/anxious/self-conscious is Shædo? This is crucial to our choice.

You'd probably do well to grab a nice cold glass of
>>501620 (You)
No, it's clear all logic has gone out the window at this point. Throw gun.
>>501620 (You)
She knows you will be expecting paper as the logical next step, so she won't do it. That leaves Rock or Scissors and he possible moves. Out of the two it is more likely she will throw Rock since she is expecting you to throw Scissors in anticipation of her using Paper. However, there is still an off chance she will throw Scissors, so the only safe bet is Rock since it will get another draw or win.
>>501620 (You)
Kiss her.

Kiss *while* throwing gun. (Duh.)
*tips fedora*
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We can't throw gun! Shiné cast Pneuma! Ranged attacks have no effect in the room right now.
We can't possibly get close enough! She'll punch us in the face!
Your cowboy hat is still in Shiné's possession! We need to get that back if we're going to tip it!

You yell "PAPER!"
Finally, you both shout "SCISSORS! SHOO--"
"WAIT!" Shiné interrupts just as you're about to throw rock.
Shædo glares at her. "WHAT?!" she shouts.
"Your hat, Shædo!" Shiné exclaims. "Your HAT was telegraphing your next move. It showed a little symbol of a pair of scissors! Lisa knew you were going to throw scissors!"
Shædo glares at Shiné and holds an open hand up, then gestures with it to her hat. The symbol on her hat cycles between rock, paper, and scissors rapidly.
Shiné blushes and looks away.
Shædo faces you, her hat still cycling. "ROCK!" She calls with determination.
>>502621 (You)
No gun, huh? Desperate times call for desperate measures. Use Dynamite. Dynamite automatically beats everything.
>>502621 (You)
This complicates matters.
The previous prediction has been rendered null thanks to Shiné, so it's best to make a mental note to scold her for interrupting the sacred RPS ritual.

Anyway, now that Shædo knows we are expecting scissors, she will....
No, my brain hurts let's just go with rock.
no one in their right mind would throw rock three times.

so throw rock a third time.
But we have only done it once.
We were about do but didn't.
Unrelated, but I adore your art style OP!

It's really good.
Alright, better idea. Throw two rocks at once.
It's high time we settled this rock paper scissors bout! You're going ALL IN! You throw double rocks!

Shædo throws scissors!!

Shædo can't believe her eyes. You've won!
Pose like you meant to fall and be real smug about winning.
>>503900 (You)
Shædo's level is exponentially higher than yours.
Check your EXP while you invite Mr. and Mrs. Merry back in the room.
>>503900 (You)
Claim your victory kiss.
That wasn't part of the deal.
But the hat was.
Shiné is understandably cross with her sister. "I knew this was going to happen!" she announces.

Shædo tries not to explode at her sister about how she was going to win the previous throw with paper when you were going to throw rock, but she keeps her cool and apologizes to Shiné instead.

"I think you know what I'm about to ask for," you say, lounging smugly on the ground.
Shædo hesitates.
"You know, if you'd stop agreeing to gamble for such ridiculously high stakes, this sort of thing wouldn't happen!" Shiné chastizes.
"Worby, do you want me to tickle her with or without her clothes on?" Shædo asks, like she's ignoring her sister's words.
"WHAT!? No! I didn't agree to ANY of this! You can't!" Shiné screeches.

Seeing as you're well aware that there's no way Shædo would actually do that to her sister on a Blue Board, head to the door while they bicker. You check your stats!

That wasn't a fight, per se, so you didn't gain any combat experience. However, you did receive quite a few points on your Rock Paper Scissors FIDM score! You rose from 1180 to 1290! WOW!

You don't see the Merrys through the glass. It looks like they left the premises because of the threat of collateral damage.
>>504764 (You)
1. But and so what about the hat?!!?
2. Sure, it's a blue board, but are the mods watching this? Do the mods care about a quest thread on a hidden board where no one but fanny flustered ninny curmudgeons post? Probably not!
I think they just want to keep their characters pure, mate. I can respect that.
>>504764 (You)
We need our priorities straight.

First, obtain Shædo's hat. Then have Shiné wear your old hat and nothing else while being tickled. This is the ultimate humiliation in the ream of tickledom .

Second, we must make the trades official. Summon the Merrys and while you wait for them, prepare the dark rebinding ritual.
Enough with the stupid catgirls hat. I want the paper box on Shine's head with the red dragons or whatever.
>>504764 (You)
Three-way kiss.
Man, you can get one of those from literally any Chinese food restaurant. Let's not squander this opportunity.
Agreed, without the Merrys there can be no trade.
But the hat has still be won.
>>504764 (You)
I'd like to roll diplomacy to convince Shiney to kill herself in order to transcend to a higher power state.
>>504764 (You)
I'd like to roll a sexy check to make them all give each other sloppy kisses.
>>504764 (You)
I'd like a cinnamon roll. Let's place an order for one.
Shiné is just wearing the standard Estelle Evangate White Mage Field Nurse uniform. You used to own a hat just like that back when you worked for them, but yours was better quality because it was made before [The Restructuring].

No, we can't do any of that. We're in a Blue State, and as long as we're on board grounds, we can't do anything lewd. Blue states have laws forbidding "immoral" behavior on government property. Government board property includes places like libraries, universities, churches, transportation centers, courthouses, public service buildings, and so on. You live in Moncrefe. It's far more civilized here than in hot states like Alhambra, Fallenhal, or some poloidal city like Parthen or Fiveside.

In this economy?!

1. On it.
2. The party is always watching government employees on government grounds to make sure they aren't doing anything illegal. Believe it or not, we haven't done anything illegal.

You turn to them and say, "I'd like my hat now."

The two sisters wrestle over the hat.

>Second, we must make the trades official. Summon the Merrys and while you wait for them, prepare the dark rebinding ritual.

In the meantime while Shædo and Shiné fight over the hat, you send a message to the Merrys to let them know that you won the rock paper scissors match and the trade is ready to go through! You'll coordinate with them later to settle all of the paperwork to trade Heather Arika with Freemont Merry.

Shædo and Shiné's fight becomes a little bit raucous.
>>505634 (You)
Meanwhile, Heather, oblivious to how her life has changed, is busy preparing a sandwich at home.
>>505634 (You)
Drizzle baby oil on the wrestlers.
>>505634 (You)

We should probably calm Shiné down somehow. Wonder what Mika's doing
>>505634 (You)
Well, I suppose this is close enough to tickling. There's only one person who knows where to go from here... AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA!
>>505634 (You)
Say, if we ever have a quest in a, erm, "Yellow State," I'd appreciate a...notice? Being posted? In the, uh. Happenings office.
Oh, I'm sure she's making a "sandwich" alright.
Remember she sill has that quest that needs to be done today.
>>505634 (You)
Make a sexy threeway sandwich.
>>505634 (You)
Maybe it is best to not take any more action til they finally stop fighting.
yeah maybe calm them with words

..From a distance..

..behind your desk..
(( Translator's Note: People born in southern moncrefe speak and write with a slightly different regional dialect. I find it odious and choose not to write out accented pronunciation phonetically, but Worby says koʔodəneJt. The Moncrefe school board considers both spellings of "coordinate" correct. ))

>>505841 >>505867 >>505678 >>506204
Man. Things are getting tense! You think you'd better put a close to this parent teacher conference so you can get off of school grounds and get home!

>>506662 >>506808
Nonsense! You walk over and pull Shiné off of Shædo. "Alright, you two. That is quite enough!" you scold. "Shiné! I'm surprised at your flagrant display of violence!"

"I-I! I have Soft Tou--" she starts to backsass.

"Not another word." You assert.

Shiné looks down and away, embarrassed to be scolded like a child.

Shædo, rolls her eyes, smiles, and rises to her feet. She looks like she's finally ready to cooperate. Shædo takes off her hat and twirls it around her finger. "Do you want this hat, or do you want a replica that has posable fake cat ears instead of holes? Because they sell ones that are meant to look like mine. They're about ฿800. I could buy you one."

BLAST! You forgot that Shædo's cat ears are real. That hat would look stupid on you unless you had cat ears. Your mind races! Do you take Shædo's hat for the principle of the matter, or do you go for the win-win and get a better hat?

Or maybe you should ask her to give you the ฿800 so you can purchase a cinnamon roll.
>>507054 (You)
WOW. 4chan ate my IPA pronunciation alive. Fuck. Co-(glottal stop)-oh-dih-nate. Sorry.
offer to call off the trade if Shine promises to be nicer to her sister

curry favor with shaedo now that she respects your rock paper scissors skills
>>507054 (You)
I-I don't know.
I was not prepared for this twist.
>>507054 (You)
Admittedly, Shædo's hat just looks way too cute on her to take it away from her. Even if you could possibly sell her hat for more money. Besides, your face just keeps getting pointier.
I feel like it's the principle of the thing.
I mean, we could get our own imitation hat at some point, but having the real thing comes with bragging rights that money can't buy.
>>507054 (You)
Take the hat and wear it like pantsu.
>>507504 >>507525 >>507690 (Dead) >>507699 >>507771
As you consider your options, you hear a hissing sound trying to get your attention under your desk.

You look under your desk and see Mika! How did she get in here without anybody noticing?

"Did you drop this silver kazoo? Or did you drop this golden kazoo?" she asks.

"What are you doing here?" asks Shædo.

"Only WORBY can see me, MOM!" Mika hisses.
humor her
kiss her
>>507795 (You)
Ours was a golden kazoo.
>>500100 (You)
>>500830 (You)
>>507795 (You)
Tell her you actually dropped an axe.
>Quest threads found their way here.

Man I wish there was just one board for this nonsense.
(Axe meaning guitar in this context.)
well didn't someone make a thread (after all those threads about /tg/ being clogged with quests) that /qa/ actually (should) stand(s) for "Quests and Adventures" not "Questions and Answers" and so the first thread by the OP probably as a joke but it was actually pretty damn good and so has been this one, so like back the fug off?!!?! ok
I do agree that a /fg/ - Forum Games board would be pretty nice.
>>507795 (You)
Good we can finally do the demonstration
Mika's expression falters for a moment as she realizes that this bit doesn't actually work all that well if you actually dropped a gold item in the first place.

>>507999 (Nice)
"I lost an axe," you say. "Not a golden or silver kazoo."

Mika's eyes light up. She emerges from beneath the desk dressed like an angel. "Ah! I have finally found a truly honest woman! In return, I will give you both the gold kazoo, and the silver kazoo, to keep!"

Mika gives both kazoos to you, and in addition, she gives you a beautiful blue electric guitar. After that, she waves, says, "Goodbye!" in absolute delight, and vanishes.

Shædo snaps her fingers at you, getting you back on track. "I have to go. Do you want my hat or do you want me to buy you a nicer one that isn't as sentimental to me?"
>>508246 (You)
Eh, just get her to buy one.
But it better still be able to have faces on it.
>>508246 (You)
wow mika is transcedent
>>508246 (You)
Mika is my favorite.
Play both kazoos and announce you'd like a replica
>>508246 (You)
Let her buy us one, but only because we are magnanimous in victory.
>>507525 >>508277 >>508466
"I'll take a replica," you say. "It's obvious you want to keep your hat, and I am nothing if not magmanimous."

Shædo seems pretty happy to keep her hat. "You're pretty alright for a Paz fan, Worby," she says, jocularly about your hair style. She pulls out a replica hat that she apparently already had purchased from inside of her glove.

You take it, saying, "Well, you look pretty goofy without your hat," with a wink.

You both put on your respective hats and share a moment of enjoying hats together.

"It's getting late," Shiné says. "I need to head back to work. I'm only here because Shædo killed Tyler's parents."

Shiné must have Freemont and Tyler confused.
>>509909 (You)
Well, you're going to need a new outfit to go with the hat and to make up for the change in stats this has caused.
Probably the same one you have now just in black, or you could just invert the colors of the hat to match your outfit.
I don't know about that, considering Shædo also wears white and it looks snazzy. But if we're gonna do it, better to change the outfit than the hat, considering we apparently use paint to change hat colors.
>>509909 (You)
I think everyone's going to need a hot steamy bath together to relax after all this excitement.
start an email correspondence with shaedo.

this seems like a good idea.
>>510855 >>510859 >>510985
You draft up a message to Shædo and send it while she argues with Shiné over exactly which child's parents she killed. You ask her if you should switch to a black outfit to better match your hat or not.

She doesn't reply right away. Instead she turns and asks, "So are we done here? We kinda gotta get going. Mika was supposed to be watching Heather, but it looks like instead she's pretending to be the Sewer Goddess, so I gotta get back."

Shiné nods in agreement. "Yes, and I need to get back to work right now."

Is there anything more you need of them before they go?
>>511621 (You)
Autographs. Always a good thing to request.
Naw, we're BFFs with Shaedo now, we can't ask for autographs like some common fan.

With that said, we won at Rock Paper Scissors. Don't we still have a trade to push through?
You're right. We're the one who should be giving the autographs. Let's make sure to do that.
Suddenly, this man walks in. Your next rock paper scissors opponent has arrived.

0059-autographs.png (609 KB, 1024x768)File: 0059-autographs.png (609 KB, 1024x768) google iqdb
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>Don't we still have a trade to push through?
We sent the confirmation to Mr. and Mrs. Merry. There's a bunch of paperwork involved with adoptions and trades anyway so it's not like we could just hand the children over to their respective new parents in just one day. It'll take two seasons of negotiations, but we've done all of the necessary steps to make sure that goes through! Assuming a Rock Paper Scissors duel between neither of the legal guardians of either child is legally binding, Heather and Freemont will be in their respective new homes by the end of Summer.

Wait hold on. Mika is definitely Heather's step sister... and Mika called Shædo Mom... But Shædo and Shiné are sisters... hold on wait wha-- Whatever! You don't have time to get into THAT discussion.

What a perfect final note to close on. You're a huge fan of Shædo after all! Shiné less so as you're both white mages so it would look silly if you asked her for her autograph.

You pull out your official Malt Sidney Autograph Book! "Before you go, could you give me your autog--" >>512621 "I-I mean! Um..."

Suddenly, Shædo takes your book from you and signs it. It all happens so fast! She hands you back the book, and then holds out her own autograph book! You sign it back. She gives you a playful nudge in the arm. It hurts like crazy but not enough that would imply she was trying to hurt you.
0060-getLonely.png (512 KB, 1024x768)File: 0060-getLonely.png (512 KB, 1024x768) google iqdb
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And so, Shædo and Shiné finally leave.

You stand, alone, in your classroom. All of your crises averted, and all of your short term goals more or less accomplished. The only thing left to do is paperwork, or go home, maybe call some friends, maybe paint some pictures, it all depends.

What matters, though, is that your STEM score was preserved!

And thus, concludes our story. Thank you all for playing Worby Quest!

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