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>>461270
Just as you're about to ask Mika if she'd wait a moment, Mika says, "Sorry, Goldilocks, I'll have to take a rain check on that one. I have to do my chores because soooomebody didn't do them for me last time. Toodles~" Heather gasps, taking offense to this remark.

Mika's yukari closes and she disappears from sight.

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>>461278
>>461287
You need to get this class's attention after the ruckus Mika and Heather caused. You walk to the front of the room and play a little air guitar to see if any of the kids stop talking to and pay attention.

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>>461318
Which student should you call to the front?

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>>461339
Interesting. Maybe Cyndi is up to something. You call on Cynd-- uh...

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>>461331
You go with Lisa. Lisa seems like she's in a down mood, but the wonderful thing about Lisa is that her mood doesn't affect her behavior at all, except for her facial expression. She works exactly as hard and is exactly as nice to people regardless of her mood.

What should you have her do?

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>>461382
Yes, we'd better get started. Class began a couple centizun ago. You pop open Lesson Planar. You're a Civics, Philosophy, History, and Humanities teacher, as well as a general studies tutor, and a [Gift Wrapper] in that you like to take on a disproportionately large number of [Gifted] students to gain more STEM score, which you don't like to brag, but you're 4th in Moncrefe, 11th in the world. You teach years 20-25.

Available topics all students have met prerequisites for are:

Civics
- Public Housing
- Police Force Tiers
- Constitutional Abdication
- Party Risk Hierarchy
- Varven Politics
- Anarchy States
- Spell Library Access Review
- Agriculture
- Healthcare

Philosophy
- Category Theory
- Methodological Naturalism
- Embodied Mind Theory
- Aristotelian Realism
- Chaotic Progress Theory
- Universal Property
- Artificial Scarcity

History
- Zchmreglev Fefnyr's Gambit
- Gloria Evangate's Three Laws
- Fallenhal's Northern Colonies

Humanities
- Unified Imagination Theory
- Demonic Art
- Monster Art
- Cornerian History
- Terence Bydo's Monster Taxonomy
- Sengoku Judai

What should we learn about today?

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>>461601
Liars and bad politicians don't really have anything to do with civics. Civics is the study of your rights and duties as a citizen. Liars and bad politicians are more under the umbrella of political science, which falls under philosophy. Regardless, none of those topics are on the curriculum right now. Chaotic Progress theory is probably one of the prereqs for political science, so we definitely won't be able to get to that today.

>>461613
It is common knowledge that Mika is a demon, not a monster. Mika's actually the same species of demon as Dora, just a different breed. However, Mika no longer resembles a dog demon as she mastered shape shifting at a very young age and no longer has any physical similarities of a dog. Nevertheless, her R-Life reveals what she really is, or rather what she used to be and the dog demon race happily claims her as their own and looks up to her as a celebrity.

But none of that really matters. Monster artwork is a great subject to teach about coming back from SATet. The concept is easy to grasp and eye opening at the same time.

You show your students several paintings made by monsters, drawing attention to details. You explain that while monsters typically never create any art of any kind, tamed monsters when asked to paint typically fall into categories. Most monsters draw self portraits, some simply can't learn to draw anything, but other more social monsters like Orcs paint their human masters instead.

You have Lisa read a poem by a famous pet Tabra named Blackhawk who learned to write.

Can't eat
Must eat
Won't eat
Friend
Not food but smell good
Hungry but starving
Starving but alive
Stomach growling
Stomach lying
Warning of death
Death doesn't come
Eating is lies
Don't need to live
Treats better than human
Crave human
Won't eat
Won't die
Hungry but starving

You ask your students to write a short essay on any insights they must have about how Blackhawk must have felt about their master.

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>>462189
>>462246
Oh dear, you don't have any books on hand. Not to worry, however! You're a member of BlueStock so you can order a book to be mailed to you, and read an electronic version while you wait!

Let's see... a raunchy book about the subdivision of the day, the calendar, and the counting of the years... You enter in your search terms, and you find a match.

"One Room Vacancy" by Sasha Shores
Tagline: She needed a place to stay. He needed a place to go.

You check the reviews.

"About as erotic as reading assembly instructions for a chair" 1/5
by: Linda Barb
------
I bought this book hoping for some light erotic fun. Considering the synopsis on the back cover, you could forgive me for expecting a story of sexual tension, seduction, and release! Instead it spends so much time making ABSOLUTELY SURE you know EXACTLY what time of day every scene takes place in that you'd swear there was going to be some sort of fulfillment time travel twist at the end! I don't know if that counts as spoilers or not. Just terrible writing. Did we REALLY need to know that he lasted EXACTLY three hundred eleven centizun? Learn how to use a metaphor! Avoid Sasha Shores. I don't know what compelled her to write romance when she clearly wants to be writing technical manuals. Should have called it 50 Shades on a Sundial. 1/5

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Hahaha oh wow this book is awful.

-----
After that night he longed for her. He longed for her every centizun (of which there are 100 per zun) of every waking zun (of which on average he was awake for 72 out of the 100 zuns in a day) of every day (of which there are 25 per season) of every season (for which there exist 4 in each year) of every year. He longed for her even at work, which made work difficult. Ronan was reprimanded three times in the span of one week (which contains five days, and there are five of in each season) for workplace negligence, statistically 6807503% more often than the year before he met her, where he enjoyed an exceptionally good track record. If this trend continued, he could be out of a job and without a positive recommendation, he might find himself homeless for an extended period of time. He needed this job to continue paying his debts and rent payments, or he might be forced to file for X843-N-B1543EZ Bankruptcy. But Ronan was not the sort of person who would have the wherewithal to know that was the form of bankruptcy he'd need to file for. He would file for a chapter 4 like they teach you about in primary school and be significantly less well off. Little did he know that Francine would know exactly the forms to file if only Ronan could get over his pride to ask.
------

>>463594
Yeah, we'd better stop reading this right now. We have things to do.

The parent teacher conferences are listed in your quest log in order of most important to least important, but Tammy's is scheduled first. Tammy's main problem is that she just doesn't care. She floats a 44% GPA in your class, which is much lower than the class average. She basically single handedly brought your class average down below 90% compared to last year. Luckily she was even worse last year so you're still gaining STEM score off of her, but not nearly as much as you could be. What should we plan to say to her parents? She's bad at pretty much everything.

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>>463743
>>463833
Alright. We know what to say to Tammy's parents. You'll describe how much she's grown and improved, and then emphasize that she still has much to improve on.

Next is Freemont. Freemont is doing wonderfully! Not only is he 15 points higher than last year, AND closer to the class average, AND coming from a lower class average at that, BUT Freemont is also going to become a monster slayer thanks to your encouragement! Every time a monster slayer with grades above 50% graduates from your class, you receive 1000 bonus STEM! But there is one problem. Freemont's parents don't want him to be a monster slayer; they want him to go into law. Freemont's father is a district prosecutor and his mother is a paralegal who works in the same law office. They suspect that you filled his head with dangerous ideas and are very upset, so they called for a PTC with you. You could potentially get in serious trouble if you don't handle this correctly.

After that is Heather. Heather is in some sense the opposite problem that Freemont is. Heather is a Gifted but she has no intention of becoming a monster slayer and resists every effort you've made to convince her to become a fencer, so you've called a PTC. Her mother is Shiné Orunitia, the most powerful White Mage on the planet, so you can probably bond over that. You don't know who Heather's father is but Heather seems to look up to him a lot from how she describes her father in her journal assignments. If you can convince her father to push Heather toward becoming a Monster Slayer then you're probably golden.

Think you should just wing it or should you plan and prepare for either of these encounters?

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>>465103
>>465145
Worth a shot.

Oh! It's past 40. You tell all of the students that they're free to go. They all each get up and head for the door. Dora breaks into a run and you shout at her to knock it off but she doesn't listen. Typical Dora.

You call out to Heather, "Heather, would you come here for a moment?" You need to assess carefully whether or not she'd go for the trading spaces idea. Heather approaches apprehensively.

How should we word this? Should we ask her how she'd feel about being a lawyer? Maybe poke at her distaste for her mother?

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>>465447
"Heather, I hear your momma's so s--"

"She's NOT MY MOM!!" Heather interrupts.

"...Heather let me finish. I hear she's so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead to try to makeup her mind."

Heather stares at you, dumbfounded. After a couple moments, she asks, "What do you want, Worby?" she asks, cautiously.

So far so good.

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>>465570
You tell Heather that you saw she put "Lose Your Virginity" on her public quest log.

Heather says, "So are you trying to blackmail me or is this some kind of cringey attempt at being a 'cool' teacher?"

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>>466526
>>466538
You turn your hat around and pretend your flower is a cigarette. Cool Teacher Mode initiated!

You say, "'Blackmail' only applies if it's in writing Heather, but that's beside the point. If I read your public quest log and saw your plot then Shiné already saw it. The way I see it, the only way you're going to avoid the fallout fro--Hey! Uh! BUAH!!"

Heather turns your hat back the correct way.

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>>467296
>>467474
It's about time you pass this old torch on to the next generation. You were around... well you were double Heather's age when you lost your... well you sorta... Nevermind! It doesn't matter. Heather should get a hat. She looks goofy without a hat. You give Heather your hat.

Now, with that out of the way, you send Heather on her way. Tammy's parents should be arriving any moment now!

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>>468107
Excellent idea! You look goofy without a hat. Which of your hats should you wear?

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>>468984
>>469194
>>469368
>>469685
Sounds good to you! You Inventory® your hat into your hands, and then your paint supplies! Let's make a pink cowboy hat. The hat that we already have that is a cowboy hat and pink simply won't do.

You start to paint your hat when suddenly the door swings open. It's Tammy's Mom and Dad. Tammy's Mom approaches your desk and addresses you.

"You mind EXPLAINING to me why my daughter is failing EVERY SUBJECT, """MISS""" Worby?!" she queries.

Tammy's father stands aside and lets his wife handle it.

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>>470451
You lean back in your chair and rest your legs and heels on the desk.

>>470129
With a hint of a smirk on your lips and an unfortunate nervous giggle, you say, "Now now, Mrs. Salona, no need to lash out."

She gets it, and she isn't happy about it. Her husband finds it funny. Arguing with an audience is always better.

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>>471001
You say, "Mr. Alada, Tammy's useless at school work, but. She. Is. Excellent! At making friends. She's friends with every single kid in the class except for Freemont, because Freemont's like an Orc. Also, if she grows up to have a caboose as great as your wife's, then Tammy will do just fine." >>471148 "Yeehaw," you conclude.

Mr. Alada didn't take too kindly to the way you were lookin' at what's his. "Dear, please step outside. I have some words I need to say that I don't want you to hear."

Mrs. Salona walks out to the hallway.

Uh oh. You think he's really about to let you have it.

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>>471542
>>472166
Sensing an impending tickle fight, you power up and cast a standard first level [Soft Touch] blessing on yourself. Mr. Alada is just a civilian, so if you don't nullify your damage output, he's going to get seriously hurt.

He holds up his hands and pleads, "Woah woah! Hey hey hey! We're not fighting! The Missus just needs to feel like I got riled up like she did, you know?"

You power down. Looks like there isn't going to be a fight today.

He gives a sigh of relief when you power down. He must have thought your spell was something offensive rather than defensive. "Phew... See, my wife's not like you and me. We get our sense of self worth from within, and we know who we are," He explains, calm and collected. "The rest of the world could hate us and it wouldn't matter because we know what we are and don't have any doubts about it. If somebody insults you or me, it means nothing to us except that we know that they don't like us. Same, in reverse, if they compliment us. But my wife? She isn't that kind of person. Her self worth comes from her reputation, and the aproval of others. So when you make jokes about her looks, or about Tammy, that really hurts her, because on some level when you insult her she believes it. And I can't have that. I love her too much, understand?"

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You nod. His words are reasonable. You'll be nicer to Mrs. Salona if you see her again.

>>472288
"What do you think is the best kind of Cowboy Hat?" you ask him.

"I'm not an expert on Cowboy hats," he disclaims, "But if I had to make a guess, I'd say the one you're wearing." What a flirt. "But let's get on track," he offers. "I know there's probably nothing to discuss about Tammy. She's actually doing better in your class than she has with her previous teachers, and her previous teachers devoted extra time to her to try to get her to improve. Have you done the same?"

You nod and shrug. "I don't know if I've given Tammy as much time as previous teachers have, but I've definitely given her more attention than any other civilian student this year."

He looks down. "I think Tammy might be a lost cause, academically. She's probably better off pursuing an entertainment or social work platform, right?" he beckons your agreement. "Are there any jobs for somebody who instantly makes friends with everybody in the room but can't memorize a date to save her life?"

After a moment's brainstorming you throw out, "...Life Coach?"

The two of you sit in silence for a little while. He breaks the silence with, "Maybe retail?"

"Most people end up in service-retail anyway even with a good education," you reason.

He smiles and sighs. "Alright, I think that's about it. I'm going to go tell the Missus that I gave you what for." He exits and the two of them leave.

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>>473054
Having completed Tammy's parent teacher conference, you give it a check.

You fidget with your quest log for a little while. You have 17 centizun until Freemont's parents arrive. What should we do for two and a half minutes?

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>>473735
Gonna need at LEAST a Zun and a half for an activity like that. Might even need to wait until next year since we gave Heather our +15 CHA hat, virgins are going to be in short supply.

You gotta get that hat back. What were you thinking? It was really expensive! You add "Get your hat back" to your questlog. It will probably need to wait until tomorrow.

>>474063
We never got a chance to talk to Heather about changing parents because we got sidetracked by dubs, Heather's love life, and hats until Tammy's parents showed up. Time to do a little snooping on Heather's allChat™ to see if she's posted anything that would indicate that she'd make a good daughter for the Merrys.

… Okay, Heather's allChat™ is completely empty. OH! …right… You vaguely remember something about Heather owning a physical diary "to keep secrets from her computer." Irritating…

>>474126
Now THIS we can do. You put a Rainbow up behind your head with Lesson Planar!

Oh. They're here.

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>>475754
Trying to look confident and casual, you twirl your flower pen around. You say, "Let's get down to business, Mr. and Mrs. Merry. Your son is going down a path that you don't approve of, because you want him to carry on the family legacy of lawyers. I have a proposition for you."

Mrs. Merry hands Mr. Merry a folding chair. He sets it up and takes a seat. "And what proposition would that be?" he asks.

>>475877
You put your flower in your mouth to show how much of a cool teacher you are.

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He scoots his chair a little closer and his wife stands just out of frame.

"How does Clown College sound?" you ask.

"Clown college?" he requests clarification.

"That was a dialectic technique in which I first suggest something ridiculous so the next thing I say won't sound so bizarre," you explain. "I have an idea that might make both you and Freemont very happy."

"I'm listening," he acknowledges. "Please continue."

"How would you feel about getting a new daughter?" you offer.

He hunches over the desk and stares at you.

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>>478499
>>478478
You hunch forward and lock your fingers together in front of your mouth just like him, locking eyes. "Let's face it," you begin. "Your son doesn't want to follow in your footsteps, but I have another student that doesn't want to follow in her parents' footsteps either. Her parents are epic level monster slayers and she's gifted just like Freemont is. Unlike Freemont, she doesn't want to become a Knight. She has a hobbyist interest in the justice system that you could cultivate and nurture."

Mr. Merry doesn't say anything. He just stares.

You pull up Freemont and Heather's files to compare them. "As you can see, Freemont has been improving in my class since last year, but not even close to as well as Heather has improved. She shows tremendous promise. Not only that, but she absolutely despises her parents."

"Heather... Arika..." He recalls. "Isn't this the girl that got into a fight with Freemont two seasons ago?"

"The one Freemont tore the front teeth out of, yes," you remind.

"Hrmm..." he grumbles. "So she likes law?"

"It's a hobby interest to Heather," you explain. "She's interested in going into architecture. The celestian temple fascinates her. She's always researching it. However, she's a huge Alex fan--"

He grunts in annoyance at the mention of Alex.

"Yes yes, I know," you reassure. "But I got into teaching because of Mrs. Jewels stories. Interest for the wrong reasons is still interest."

Mr. Merry looks down at the desk and says nothing.

Part of you can't believe he's even entertaining this thought.

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>>479735
Nice roll! You successfully persuade him.

He nods solemnly. "Alright. We'll discuss this with Freemont. Thank you for your time."

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Mr. and Mrs. Merry leave, arguing about whether or not to trade children. Mrs. Merry does not like the sound of it, but Mr. Merry says that the choice will be up to Freemont, and he urges her to be reasonable.

Just as they exit, Shædo M. Orunitia enters! You were expecting to meet with Shiné, Heather's mother. It looks like she sent her sister instead. This is the first time you've ever seen her in person and her presence startles and excites you. Shædo is quite the celebrity. Shiné is too, but Shædo takes advantage of her status more.

"Sorry I'm late!" she shouts, stepping over the unconscious bodies of the Merrys. Shædo isn't actually late. She isn't due in until 45:50.

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You shake the stars out of your eyes. Now isn't the time.

>>481457
"You aren't late. You're early! Much too early. And you just knocked out the Merrys!" you scold, rising to your feet.

Shædo replies, "That's more your problem than mine at this point, Wage. Shouldn't you be healing them?"

She effortlessly deflected your scolding with a glib appeal to urgency. This may be the most dangerous opponent you've ever faced.

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>>482274
We would, but she's already in our classroom.
>>482261
Shædo and Shiné are ex-Monster Slayers. They're billionaires! If we're gonna bribe her we'll have to think of something to bribe her with because on our teacher's salary money won't do.
>>482662
This actually might work. Shædo wouldn't legally be allowed to resort to violence against you since she's epic level and you're a medic, but we should wait and see if she keeps being sassy first. Wouldn't want to look like we're getting tushy troubled.
>>481471
Adding hat acquisition to our quest log, but with an "optional" mark as this seems pretty difficult to accomplish.
>>481491
Just as you're about to ask about Heather's luck with the boys, Shædo drops your hat on your desk. "Oh, and before we begin, what exactly was 15 charm doing on Heather when she came home?" she asks.

"Did anything happen?" you ask.

"Some guy followed her on four different train routes back and forth," Shædo recounts, taking a seat on top of one of the student's desks. "Mika had to go get her. Heather says you gave it to her."

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>>483797
Added.
>>483266
It won't do any good. Your hat's ID A-Life can't be destroyed without the help of Van Merr's disenchantment department, and by the time you do that, all of the information concerning the case would already be made redundant. You're better off making no obvious attempts to destroy any evidence and preventing the matter from going to trial in the first place.
>>485343
Added--wait. No! Other people can see your quest log!
>>483845
>>483257
1. Done.
2. You get up from you desk and walk to the front of the room. "James wanted to lose her virginity," you state simply.
"Oh, was Heather supposed to deliver the hat to James?" asks Shædo. "Then she just wore it home when she couldn't find the kid," she mumbles. "That sounds like Heather."

Shædo seems far less angry now.

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You refresh your PDA real quick because the clock app froze again. You might have too many apps installed.

>>486225
>>486231
"But speaking of CHA... How is she doing in her love life?" you ask.

"Oh, you know, she likes boys but she hates every boy she's ever met. She has a ton of Alex posters," Shædo ponders, drawing up a screen on her PDA for you a picture of her. "She writes about some boy named Leo in her physical diary, but I think she made him up, because she always leaves her diary around with the book open to a page that mentions him, so I think she's doing it for attention."

Just then, something spooks Shædo. "Wait..." she ponders. "Does 'James' like Heather?"

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>>486961
Oh no. There isn't a single person named James at this school! How is that even possible?! 'James' has to be in at least the top 200 names in Moncrefe.

Whatever! You hunt on Encyclonet for other people named James.
>>487165
>>487172
>>487342
You find three pretty good results. Unable to decide which to go with, you roll a #1d3 and you land on 3. This ends up being the best roll as this James at least appears to be a child around Heather's age. ...Even if he is a fictional character from Earth's Japan. We'll leave that part out.

Shædo is starting to get suspicious about why it's taking so long to answer her question.

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>>488937
>>489049
Casting a slow down spell on Shædo sounds like a great idea to give us time to think, if nothing else. You start to--Shædo grabs you by the arms and gets her face really close to yours.

"Hey, Wage. I couldn't help but notice you're casting the wrong kind of magic right now," she growls, slowly, with a big smile on her face. She points a sharp finger at the Merrys, laying by the door. "You're supposed to be healing the bodies near the door."

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>>489279
>>489282
>>489345
Suddenly, completely out of nowhere, Shædo's savage instincts overtake her and she savagely attacks you, savagely throwing you to the ground.

When you come to, Shædo is on her PDA, arguing with Shiné. Shiné scolds, "I know you SAY it wasn't your fault, but this sort of thing doesn't happen to other people!"

Shædo growls, "Just get down here. Now."

"Okay, okay," Shiné sighs. "Be right there."

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>>489871
You try to crawl to your desk, but it's not easy. You hear noises. Everything sounds increasingly like it's all underwater. Somebody's arguing or something. Whatever they're saying, they sound upset.

Suddenly, you feel fine. "Why is Lisa in a cowboy hat?" Shiné interrogates Shædo.

"Hey! She was in that hat when I found her!" Shædo defends.

"Well she's SUPPOSED to be in her blue ribbon hat!" Shiné barks, putting your hat back on your head. You regain the 15 CHA that you lost when you swapped hats.

You look up and see that the Merrys are back on their feet again. That's good.

Shiné looks on edge that the two of them might be about to threaten a lawsuit. Shædo stares off into space. The Merrys look down at you.

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>>491070
Not to worry. Lisa is short for Alyssa, which is your first name.

>>490928
>>491215
>>491007
Now that you have your old hat with the bonus 15 CHA, you're 'caperble' of some droll repartee, intermixing puns and japes in 'jest' the right places!

"Wait!" you call to get the attention of your four guests. "This is all a farce! An absurdity, parody, but one where jokes are sparse."

Shædo and Shiné exchange glances. Shiné looks angry at Shædo who looks defensive.

You continue. "Our world is real but this scenario's not. I can't control my actions or my thoughts!"

Shiné hits her sister upside the head. "You CURSED her!? Now I have to take her to Priestess Lianne!"

Shædo shields her head and retreats a few paces. "I did NO such thing! I'm not even specced for curses right now!"

"Why are you rhyming?" asks Mrs. Merry.

It suddenly occurs to you that rhyming isn't the same thing as puns. You quickly reply, "Because... Because from how... How Shædo knocked us all out, I thought I'd try some SLAM poetry!"

Shiné strikes Shædo upside the head again.

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>>492343
There's no clear plan on how to get the hat but you'll keep your eyes open for an opportunity.

At any rate, your pun game is still going strong! You're gonna keep it going.
>>492955
You roll onto your back, then back onto your belly a couple times until your straightman Mrs. Merry asks, "What are you doing?"

"I'm flip flopping!" you begin. "Speaking of flip flopping... weren't we going to discuss the children?"

"Oh! That's right!" Mr. Merry remembers. "We have an idea that might interest the two of you."

Suddenly, Shædo puts two and two together, and catches on to your dangerous pun game. "Are you about to suggest we substitute our children for each other like some kind of substitute teacher?"

Gosh dangit... That was good.

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>>495619
>>495728
Now does seem like just as good a time as any to fuss around on our PDA and play with all of our icons.

First is our status menu. It displays our stats (which don't really matter too much anymore), our Quests, and this stupid button for the EXP® about page.

Then is our minimap. You don't use it too much either since you don't go to new places very often.

After that is our mailbox. We've got a few letters we haven't opened yet but we don't want to open those because once you break the seal on an envelope, there's proof that it's been opened and you'd rather that sender think that you just don't check your mail much.

Next is the bird icon. It's AllChat™. The app used to be called Chirper© before Skylines® bought the rights to the name.

Then there's Encyclonet.

After that is an icon you can't figure out how to get rid of. It's just your questlog, but it has its own icon. You don't know how to hide it or you would.

Lesson Planar is the next icon. You use this while teaching to display screens for the kids to look at. The School pays for it.

After that is your Taiga™ app, which lets you purchase equipment and have it sent instantly to your bag. You mostly use it, these days, to purchase things from BlueStock® and Fitza©.

Finally is STEM™which is useful for monitoring your progress with students.

Oh and the last button just closes all currently opened screens so you can see in front of your face.

----

As you check your apps you listen in on Shædo and Mr. Merry argue. It doesn't sound like this whole Heather Freemont trade is going to work out, but nobody's even mentioning you anymore, so as far as you're concerned that's two successes and a failure with the parent teacher conferences. Freemont's parents have internally cleared you of wrongdoing, but you won't be getting Heather to become a Monster Slayer.

Now that you think about it, that trade wouldn't have made Heather a Monster Slayer either.

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It's high time we settled this argument!
>>497182
You carefully crawl back to your desk.
>>496554
Once there, you call out, "I know how we can settle this! Rock Paper Scissors! I challenge Shædo to a contest. The winner gets the loser's hat. Additionally, if I win, the trade between Freemont and Heather goes through!"

On an unrelated note, Shiné is looking like she's calming down.

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>>497473
You order a kazoo on BlueStock®. It will arrive in your bag as soon as the sale goes through!

>>497501
"One last note! The loser is obligated to cheer Shiné up by tickling her!" you conclude, readying your hands for a rock paper scissors showdown.
Shædo looks characteristically phlegmatic.
Shiné snaps her fingers, calling Shædo over to her. She whispers quietly in Kapra to her sister, "<The Teacher Worby is unknown. Take Father Merry and Mother Merry and get them out of the building. There is a possible outcome in which we fight Teacher Worby.>"
Mrs. Merry hears, understands, and grabs her husband's arm. She pulls him to the door. "It's time for us to go, dear," she says.
Mr. Merry looks at his wife's face and exchanges silent understanding with her.
Shædo opens the door and says, in Kapra, "<8 meters from the door should be safe.>"
Mr. Merry looks to his wife, not understanding what Shædo said. She doesn't translate for him until they're already out the door. Shædo closes the door and approaches the desk.

>>497975
Good plan. You buff your AGI, DEX, and AWR. You're gonna need all the tactile prowess and awareness you can get to defeat a world class martial artist at rock paper scissors.

Looks like Shædo is powering up too. She's not underestimating you.

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>>498999
>>499044
Good memory! But nah, we're okay. That wore off when Shædo knocked us out a little bit ago. Persistent buffs like [Soft Touch] don't last through that. We could reapply it, but that probably won't help in any way. Shædo can shrug off any physical attack we could possibly throw at her. Our STR is 36 and hers is 989 with all of her buffs on. Not to mention that it can get as high as 3550(!) with Shiné's help. A fist fight will not be happening today.

She did, however, mention that she's not specced for curses right now, so there may still be an avenue through which we can subdue her, but it would require removing Shiné from the scene first, because Shiné can counterspell any offensive white magic.

>>498526
Done and done.

>>499419
>>499426
Your kazoo arrived just in time! You reach down and retrieve it from your bag, then pop that sucker... or... uh... hummer... in your mouth and buzz out a tune!

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>>500131
Alright! It's time to play. We're going to do rock.

Shædo approaches the desk and takes the modern Remeran RPS stance.

Remerans long since abandoned the traditional western Ro-Sham-Bo style slapping your fist into your palm because it only takes 30 AWR to be able to predict your opponent's move. Instead they use a quickdraw cowboy style stance where you keep your hands ready at your side, then slap your thigh loudly, followed by quickly raising your sign. This requires 140 AWR to predict your opponent's move, which is more AWR than any reasonable person can afford to purchase.

(Obviously with enough DEX and AGI you need more AWR, but that equation is too complicated to explain here.)

Despite not being able to clear the threshold, every little bit helps. With buffs, you have 41 AWR. Shædo has a passive 28 AWR, and has chosen not to buff hers.

You are also wearing your lucky stockings, which give you 10 LUK. Unfortunately, Shædo is wearing 14 LUK on her scarf so you cannot afford to just leave this up to chance.

The final test is one of psychology. You know that Shædo is most likely to throw scissors. CatGirls all wear gloves, and Shædo is no exception. Typically this makes their fingers harder to move, so they're more likely to throw Paper or Rock, but Shædo is different. Shædo famously posts on her Chir--AllChat™ using a keyboard, instead of using the gesture assisted writing methods designed for CatGirls. She enjoys making complicated gestures with her hands to over compensate for her thick gloves because she is sensitive about not being normal.

Shædo is definitely throwing scissors.

"You're not ACTUALLY playing Rock Paper Scissors for whether or not we give away Heather are you?" Shiné asks, disbelieving.

"Look, we'll play first THEN decide if we're honoring the arrangement," Shædo snarls back at her.

You and Shædo stare each other down, ready.

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>>500832
We've been ready to rock since we played air guitar.

You and Shædo perform the ritual. "ROCK!" you call.

"PAPER!" Shædo responds.

"SCISSORS, SHOOT!" you both shout together, slapping your thighs and raising your hands!

She also threw rock...

...Could you have been wrong about her? Or did you fail to account for her thinking about what you'd think she'd do. She clearly underestimated you if she also threw rock.

What's this? Shædo immediately puts her arm at her side and calls "ROCK!"

WHAT DO YOU DO?! YOU'RE FREAKING OUT! OKAY CALM DOWN. According to Stratagem© you're supposed to throw what would beat what your opponent just threw. Should you throw paper?

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>>501629
A COLD GLASS OF WHAT? OF WHAT!?‽
>>501642
We can't throw gun! Shiné cast Pneuma! Ranged attacks have no effect in the room right now.
>>502078
>>502080
We can't possibly get close enough! She'll punch us in the face!
>>502502
Your cowboy hat is still in Shiné's possession! We need to get that back if we're going to tip it!
>>501859
OKAY!

You yell "PAPER!"
Finally, you both shout "SCISSORS! SHOO--"
"WAIT!" Shiné interrupts just as you're about to throw rock.
Shædo glares at her. "WHAT?!" she shouts.
"Your hat, Shædo!" Shiné exclaims. "Your HAT was telegraphing your next move. It showed a little symbol of a pair of scissors! Lisa knew you were going to throw scissors!"
Shædo glares at Shiné and holds an open hand up, then gestures with it to her hat. The symbol on her hat cycles between rock, paper, and scissors rapidly.
Shiné blushes and looks away.
Shædo faces you, her hat still cycling. "ROCK!" She calls with determination.

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>>502865
>>503107
>>503156
It's high time we settled this rock paper scissors bout! You're going ALL IN! You throw double rocks!

Shædo throws scissors!!

Shædo can't believe her eyes. You've won!

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Shiné is understandably cross with her sister. "I knew this was going to happen!" she announces.

Shædo tries not to explode at her sister about how she was going to win the previous throw with paper when you were going to throw rock, but she keeps her cool and apologizes to Shiné instead.

>>504285
>>503910
"I think you know what I'm about to ask for," you say, lounging smugly on the ground.
Shædo hesitates.
"You know, if you'd stop agreeing to gamble for such ridiculously high stakes, this sort of thing wouldn't happen!" Shiné chastizes.
"Worby, do you want me to tickle her with or without her clothes on?" Shædo asks, like she's ignoring her sister's words.
"WHAT!? No! I didn't agree to ANY of this! You can't!" Shiné screeches.

>>503943
Seeing as you're well aware that there's no way Shædo would actually do that to her sister on a Blue Board, head to the door while they bicker. You check your stats!

That wasn't a fight, per se, so you didn't gain any combat experience. However, you did receive quite a few points on your Rock Paper Scissors FIDM score! You rose from 1180 to 1290! WOW!

You don't see the Merrys through the glass. It looks like they left the premises because of the threat of collateral damage.

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>>504863
>>504945
Shiné is just wearing the standard Estelle Evangate White Mage Field Nurse uniform. You used to own a hat just like that back when you worked for them, but yours was better quality because it was made before [The Restructuring].

>>504853
>>504912
>>505080
>>505335
No, we can't do any of that. We're in a Blue State, and as long as we're on board grounds, we can't do anything lewd. Blue states have laws forbidding "immoral" behavior on government property. Government board property includes places like libraries, universities, churches, transportation centers, courthouses, public service buildings, and so on. You live in Moncrefe. It's far more civilized here than in hot states like Alhambra, Fallenhal, or some poloidal city like Parthen or Fiveside.


>>505337
In this economy?!

>>504768
1. On it.
2. The party is always watching government employees on government grounds to make sure they aren't doing anything illegal. Believe it or not, we haven't done anything illegal.

>>504991
You turn to them and say, "I'd like my hat now."

The two sisters wrestle over the hat.

>>504853
>Second, we must make the trades official. Summon the Merrys and while you wait for them, prepare the dark rebinding ritual.

In the meantime while Shædo and Shiné fight over the hat, you send a message to the Merrys to let them know that you won the rock paper scissors match and the trade is ready to go through! You'll coordinate with them later to settle all of the paperwork to trade Heather Arika with Freemont Merry.

Shædo and Shiné's fight becomes a little bit raucous.

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>>505827
(( Translator's Note: People born in southern moncrefe speak and write with a slightly different regional dialect. I find it odious and choose not to write out accented pronunciation phonetically, but Worby says koʔodəneJt. The Moncrefe school board considers both spellings of "coordinate" correct. ))

>>505841 >>505867 >>505678 >>506204
Man. Things are getting tense! You think you'd better put a close to this parent teacher conference so you can get off of school grounds and get home!

>>506662 >>506808
Nonsense! You walk over and pull Shiné off of Shædo. "Alright, you two. That is quite enough!" you scold. "Shiné! I'm surprised at your flagrant display of violence!"

"I-I! I have Soft Tou--" she starts to backsass.

"Not another word." You assert.

Shiné looks down and away, embarrassed to be scolded like a child.

Shædo, rolls her eyes, smiles, and rises to her feet. She looks like she's finally ready to cooperate. Shædo takes off her hat and twirls it around her finger. "Do you want this hat, or do you want a replica that has posable fake cat ears instead of holes? Because they sell ones that are meant to look like mine. They're about ฿800. I could buy you one."

BLAST! You forgot that Shædo's cat ears are real. That hat would look stupid on you unless you had cat ears. Your mind races! Do you take Shædo's hat for the principle of the matter, or do you go for the win-win and get a better hat?

Or maybe you should ask her to give you the ฿800 so you can purchase a cinnamon roll.